The simple things...

Do you remember the first prayer you memorized? Most likely it was the Lord's Prayer. It's like riding a bike -- you never forget it. Think of all the ocassions when we recite it as a group for this very reason.

It reminds me of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and the procedure for flying. It was quite simple: miss the ground. That seems simple enough, but try it. Gravity has a way of screwing that up. It sounds simple but its not and that what the Lord's Prayer is.

Simple? Yes! Easily memorized? Yes! Easy to apply? Not a chance! What screws me up most are those two little lines: "...forgive our debts/trangressions/sins/stupidity/ignorance, as we forgive our debts/trangressors/sinners/stupid/ignorant...." Not quite so easy for me.

Its like accumulating the forgiveness I undeservedly get and not wanting to pay my forgiveness bill. I want to get, I don't want to give. Truthfully, I don't want to forgive, I was to be judge, jury and executioner. I am one vindictive son of a bitch. The problem is that I should fear this situation but I don't.

Realizing how much forgiveness I need to spend ought to put me on my knees -- it doesn't. Being on my knees assumes that I realize that I'm not the king, but I don't. I am king of my world and I don't want to abdicate. Abdicating requires me to admit that I have f***ed up the world that I have ruled. Look at the disasters: financial, social, sexual, professional, educational. Maintaining my kingdom has required me to lie, cheat, steal and selfishly seek my own survival over everything else. I can treat others however I want as long as I maintain self. I make narcissist look like mere amateurs.

If I start forgiving people, what happens to my kingdom? I have all the citizens there that I punish: the one who insulted my; the one who abused me; the one who didn't do it my way; the one who embarrassed, etc., ad nauseum, ad infinitum. Before you know it, one is two, then four: a sizeable kingdom. And, I get to manage everyone of them. They are my captive subjects. I will not forgive them because to forgive them loosens my grip on my kingdom and that shows the cracks in my world. Reality is ever ready to squeeze through those crevices and force me to confront him. I escape by turning back to fantasy and the internet is ready to serve me. I don't really need the internet or TV because my kingdom is full of images that I can readily bring to mind.

I refuse to forgive! I am the victim! Look what all those nasty people have done to me!!! I don't deserve this. I sin however I want because I deserve it. Don't want to give me my way? Welcome to my kingdom. You have victimized me and you will pay. I ascend my throne and condemn you. You will leave but I will replay this over and over. I will invent fantasies in which you are sexually humiliated because I was. This movie plays over and over.

Then reality sets in and I realize that I am not king of kingdom but a prisoner in a dark pit who has the key to the door but refuses to leave. How can I leave all my friends in this pit, all alone? I have created my own prison and when things don't go my way I run back and hide.

The most corrosive substance in the universe is unforgiveness. I want my sins forgiven but I'm not willing to forgive anyone else's missteps. I go through the parking lot at work and complain about the idiots who can't park but I don't want the same standard applied to me. What a self-righteous asshole. Can't imagine why anybody wants to hangout with me!?!?!

There is a story about a guy who overextended himself. They day of reckoning comes and he pleads for more time, a lower interest rate, maybe even a discount. There's not much of a chance, but he tries anyway. He can't believe what he is hearing: the debt is written off. What? Did he say, "Forgiven?" He did!!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you thank you!!! On his way out of the bank, he starts laughing. What a idiot. He was easy to manipulate. The ol' charm works again. He starts to think about what excuse he'll use next time -- it's a given to work. Then he sees one of his friends. That cheapskate owes me $2.50 from Taco Bueno the other night. He'll rue the day he ever borrowed money from me.

When I bought my first dog Cody (that's his pic,) I took him to training and we used choke collars. I was easily frustrated and Cody took more than his fair share of abuse from the collar. Yet, Cody never held it against me. When I walk into the house he runs to me and licks me and wants me to pet him. What a great dog. He never thinks about all the yanks and the threats and the frustration, he only wants to be close to me because he loves me.

Father,

I am almost done with my MDiv but my dog is more a reflection of forgiveness than I am. Help me to love people like he does. Help me to forgive others like he forgives me. You say that it is the simple things that confound the wise: I'm confounded.

It's not a fair world but I want it to be and in wanting it to be, I have paralyzed myself. I can't be your ambassador because I want to rule my world and exact the justice that I want. Help me to forgive, to allow you to exact what justice is necessary. But, I ask that you'll be merciful to them like you are to me.

A prophet from long ago said, "He has shown thee, Oh man, what is good and what the Lord requires of me. But to do justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Help me to be this kind of man. Help me to understand things that are so simple that even a dog can understand them.

Keep me from my vomit,